Adventures in Social Anxiety: Chapter 3: The Movie Theater

This has always been the most challenging. Several friends can attest, in the past I flat out left movies that got too crowded, and they were awesome to see the film in another theater with me.

So last night I went to see Guardians of the Galaxy vol.2. It was a last minute affair. I scrambled to acquire tickets, figured they would be sold out but as luck would have it, one was open right next to one of my friends.

Problem was, it was at the new AMC Dolby Digital, which is awesome by the way, but it's "loveseats", and this was the odd one out. I mapped out the other seats. There was some empty ones in the neck breaker section way up front.

Worst case scenario if it's a big dude, I'll get one of those and can refund the other. Wouldn't be the first time. Yes, I'm also the butt head that will order both seats and refund one last minute so I get the seat all to my wonderful self. Sorry, not sorry.

I make my way to the theater. Traffics not bad. Yay! (General Driving Chapter soon). I pull into the lot. Oh there's the traffic. Humans all over. My anxieties rising. My visors broke and moves all over the place, and I certainly don't want to hit anyone. Fortunately a car pulled out and I made it right where I wanted.

Dang, it's hot out here. Why did I not change into flip flops? Oh, I that's right I painted my toenails, but am certainly not passable right now...

I make it inside, taking a deep breath as I pass a horde of people. I start pinballing away from the vendors, focused on my phone but paying attention best I can without bringing attention, which is hard because I like to look at the stores (window shop) and observe.

I make it up to the theater after eyeballing the Chinese Noodles. Love that place. Of course I beeline for the open machine to pick my tickets up, but of course it prints some future tickets and not my present ones. Ugh. Okay. Guest Services it is. I sprint up there so I don't think about it. Anxiety is in the red zone now. I struggle to speak. You know. My mumbling. There ya have it.

I'm scared and I know I shouldn't be. I'm 33 years old. Jeeze. I stutter to say I need to pick up some tickets, she sees I have the phone app open with the confirmation and says she can get it off that or I can show them and they can scan, pointing at the ticket takers. I get the ticket to be sure since I know I'll be back and forth. Oh okay. Whew.

I precheckout the theater. I'm nervous as heck. Who's going to be next to me? Maybe I'll get lucky and it'll be some 25 year lady who doesn't care. No, not so I can get the hookup or be weird, I know I'll be more comfortable and feel safer if it's some chick instead of some dude. That last line is key. I was raised by my granny and mom.

Oops. I walked in to early, still after credits scenes. I hover around the lobby. Do I get popcorn? So good, but I don't want to walk around with it for 30 minutes in front of everyone. I pace around on my phone a bit, dodging and keeping distance from people best I can.

Oh hey I'm wearing my Sonic, I'm waiting tee shirt! Maybe someone will get a kick out of it, so I try to take a pic but I get scared. Ugh, I don't want to be that person being seen taking a selfie. I sneak one in hiding around pole, but hurriedly so no one saw, so it wasn't the best picture.

I pace around some more and out of nowhere friend jumps out and startles me. Lol good one. No worries there. I start to feel better as I know someone I know is there. Friend goes and gets popcorn.

I'm really wanting some but if I'm so close to this stranger, my anxiety will be through the roof and won't be able to eat or take a drink for fear of being "watched." Stanger danger. Ridiculous right? They are seeing GotG, surely it's a nerd like me.

I head in and see their spouse. Whew. Starting to feel much better about the situation. We discuss these posts and work. No ones come for the seat next to me. Please, please, please stay this way. Breathe in, breathe out. Cool. Other friends show up. Yay. Alright. I can do this.

Still wanting popcorn. Friend has come back and is generously offering some. Of course I take it, but nervous about it and taking to much, to little, but it's cool and I'm grateful. Unfortunately they show up last minute and luckily it was a skinny dude, and AMC reclining seats do have a bit more space.

Nothing was said, I kind of leaned more over to the other side. Then the movie kicked in. I still wanted popcorn but it would bring to much attention and the theater was full. Had the seat been empty. I'd have gotten some.

Movie was non stop. Tears. Laughter. Joy. Yes. I needed this. Mostly forgot about dude next to me except the one or two slower scenes.

Lights come up and after credits is playing. I hesitate to bring my phone out. Don't want people crying about it and I can multitask the two screens. Plus I do want to talk about the movie and scenes with my friends as I'm sure they do to.

I need to pee real bad. Of course movie let out. I'll wait. Go by a less busy bathroom. Nah. Anxiety is too high. (♡) My friends are parked on one side, I'm in the middle, I start to go the other way but get nervous so I follow them and we split.

If it seems like I am following you like a puppy, there's your answer, sometimes I'm scared to be alone, especially after hanging with people I'm comfortable around, yet sometimes it's all I want. There it is again. Revelations.

To Side Car we go.

Adventures in Social Anxiety Chapter 2: The Grocery Store

Hope this explains why I'm so awkward sometimes, especially if I'm close to someone. You are my mobile safe space #ProudSnowflake

Same parking issue as before, except more foot traffic. Where I parked, may as well have parked at Golds Gym. Fortunately inside wasn't that busy. Or was it? The other side, sometimes it's not always customers, it's employees. Humans. If the place was dogs I don't think I'd care. Easy upfront cart. Yay.

Make my way to produce. Uh oh. A lady that came in behind me was trailing, and we seemed to be going to the same places. Here we go. Produce pinball. Someone should video me in a store by myself or pull the security feed. Awkward.

I get a salad bag. They had the croutons I normally get on a display, but alas, the bags stuck and half the display collapses. I panic. Naturally I want to clean it up, and pay attention if you care, because I can panic if I drop something so don't rush me in to cleaning...I'm sure everyone's watching at this point. Stage fright.

My logic center is screaming chill, clean it up, move on. Yet I don't want to build back wrong (wait, I don't even work here). So as you'll see throughout this series, logically I know my fears are whack but everything else is freaking out man. Anyway, I get it set up and walk away hiding on my phone .

I need cucumbers. Start looking oh hey there's an employee stocking next to them. Ugh. Well I don't want to stop his work and I don't like picking produce when people are watching. What if I pick a bad one and they notice?

Again, ridiculous but crippling thoughts. I go off on my way, bouncing between other items where there is no one. Off to steaks. Oh no another employee. Is everyone stocking today?! No they are doing their jobs. Calm down.

I go down a familiar aisle. Oh! I need popcorn, it's down here.. No ones there, I'm relaxed a little. Acquired. I glance around the aisle and see no one at the cucumbers and beeline for them. Go through a few bent ones, looking over my shoulder making sure no ones watching. Target Acquired.

Go back to steaks. Employee is still there. I pretend to look at fishsticks and porkchops. The porkchops start looking really good but I can only think about a Jimmys Egg Breaded Pork Chops breakfast. Nah, I'll get those next time. Guys still there. Ugh. Maybe now. Home is sounding lovely right now. My safe space.

Finally, yes, he leaves. Steaks acquired. I dodge a few customers get some other things, no one already where I need to go, and even better, no one comes up until...I go for milk. I don't care much for the brand, but I do want the latest expiration date as I forget I have milk. I'm going through them and I'm seeing May 8th.

Really? Of course I'm glancing over, making sure no one's watching and sure enough someone's coming. I start to panic and finally notice May 22nd. It's the more expensive one but I don't even bother anymore, someone's coming I'm done looking. I grab one and scamper off.

That it's it. Time to check out. Here we go. Don't be busy. Don't be busy. Don't be busy. It isn't but they only have two lanes open. A main one and express. I had over ten items and each line had a customer, and of course the one in front of me has self bagged produce and a cartfull. Shoot. I start to panic.

People are going to come up. I haven't even begun to unload my cart. Then I remember oh this stores 20 items I have less than that. Beeline for express since I see only one customer and no one going for it. Still. Panic. She has produce to. I'm thinking chill.

Of course they don't care what you have or are doing, what does it matter, but my body is tensed up. Her items are still on the conveyer belt so I don't unload, and the divider is too far away, I'll bring attention to myself. It may not be needed and I don't want to look dumb. I'm smart though I'm thinking.

She gets cleared out and bagged, and to my relief no customers come up yet. It gets weird, the cashier doesn't say hello or anything. Maybe she has anxiety to. I'm one good looking person when I want to be so she could be as nervous. I can't decide whether to put my card in or not. I believe their systems good about your card at anytime but to be sure. Brains in overdrive over something we have done 1000s of times.

She starts handing me my bags and I take them as the transaction completes. She does thank me and I'm on my way. I start to relax but between the tag agency and there my anxiety is through the roof. I'm going home. Got stuff done way ahead of schedule.

Adventures in Social Anxiety: Chapter 1: The Tag Agency

I try to park. I pull up but there's a person in the car next to me so I pull forward and take another spot. I groan. I'm being ridiculous. I take a deep breath and enter the office.

Lady is staring at me and I start to panic, pretend to fiddle with papers and look the other way but see the sign for for drivers license renewal in front of her. Here we go. She asks if I'm here for a license and I say yes, please, while she takes my old one.

I hurriedly filled out my paperwork,caring that it's readable but at the same time not, quicker it's done, quicker I'm home.

I can barely breathe as I sit down. Fortunately no ones waiting on the bench. Here come the thoughts like a line of firecrackers in July. Will they let me renew? Will I have to go to DPS? Will that trigger my hearing? Oh no. I work this weekend! What if I get pulled over?

She tells me to look at the camera and on 3. I'm scared to smile. That's stupid I'm thinking. I have great smile and I love my last license photo.

She tells me to it'll be a few minutes. Alright.
I sit there nervously. Hands start to tremble and I'm a fidgety mess.

I hear the machine finish and she nods at me, it's ready! She hands my license, I say thank you, and breathe a whew of relief as I skip happily out the door. Crisis averted. Now for the grocery store...

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