Chapter 6: (shorter chapter!) - Social Anxiety - Drawings
We have a drawing at work that is done on the computer, and it displays on a screen. I don't know how I do it, but I do, sometimes there'll be 30 people. Watching. Waiting. Maybe it's the counter in front of me, a shield, or the rush, I don't have as much time to think about it. Always makes me nervous. Come a little ways though, I failed my communications class 3 times in college.
Sometimes they'll ask me how much, sometimes I know, I do try to find
out ahead of time, sometimes I don't depending how busy I get. Of
course they will ask in front of a lot people so I'm panicking trying to
get the thought out. Can I go back to my desk please?
I could probably show someone else how to do this. I re-delegate when I can, purely so I don't have to deal with other people if I'm wrong or mess it up. I can accept when I'm truly deeply wrong, and it doesn't put me down as bad, but if I was in the right.
Even I know for sure the answer, I can't get it out. I stutter and say "I think it's $600." I'm sure it is, but I can't be confident behind it. What if I'm wrong for some reason? I don't want that conversation over an accident.
Humans don't get accidents anymore. What if I missed a change? So I insert maybes, probablys, I think, possibly, help stave off potential disaster. Maybe that's why people always take my maybes as a yes, they know I'm scared but right.
Unfortunately this delays the drawing while someone finds out. I'm shaking while waiting, breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out. Ugh what if it isn't $600? What if it is? I could have been right the whole time and we could all be on our merry way.
I have it ready. All I have to do is click a button. This helps a lot, always have stuff ready on the side. Whether it be payment or a button ready to click, anything to cut the time you are in front of someone to nothing.
Comes back, of course it was $600. I know that. All I said to say was yes, it is $600 with some confidence. Saved us all trouble. See how crippling it can be to life?
I could probably show someone else how to do this. I re-delegate when I can, purely so I don't have to deal with other people if I'm wrong or mess it up. I can accept when I'm truly deeply wrong, and it doesn't put me down as bad, but if I was in the right.
Even I know for sure the answer, I can't get it out. I stutter and say "I think it's $600." I'm sure it is, but I can't be confident behind it. What if I'm wrong for some reason? I don't want that conversation over an accident.
Humans don't get accidents anymore. What if I missed a change? So I insert maybes, probablys, I think, possibly, help stave off potential disaster. Maybe that's why people always take my maybes as a yes, they know I'm scared but right.
Unfortunately this delays the drawing while someone finds out. I'm shaking while waiting, breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out. Ugh what if it isn't $600? What if it is? I could have been right the whole time and we could all be on our merry way.
I have it ready. All I have to do is click a button. This helps a lot, always have stuff ready on the side. Whether it be payment or a button ready to click, anything to cut the time you are in front of someone to nothing.
Comes back, of course it was $600. I know that. All I said to say was yes, it is $600 with some confidence. Saved us all trouble. See how crippling it can be to life?
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