Thursday, May 11, 2017

Adventures in Social Anxiety Chapter 7 - Gas Stations (slightly longer, but more real in time scenarios, like the first two chapters)


I'm driving to the gas station, nerves shot from traffic. Pull in, it looks a little busy. Ugh. Okay. I start mapping out the area. Pumps clear. It's OnCue. Good.

Those old style 7-Elevens can be a nightmare to get in and out of, and I will run the car dry before I sit and wait and navigate through a horde of people getting gas. The car provides a little safety but still people may honk or get upset, even if it's the person in front of me taking forever so it shoots my anxiety up and I'm simply in line getting gas.

Back to OnCue. Think I'll get a drink and a snack. I start walking to the main door and see traffic going in and out. Fine. Whatever, so I go to the side entrance with the bathrooms. It's usually clear there. No awkward door moments. Head for the fountain drinks but oh someones there already. Blah. Shop for chips it is. I already know what kind I want (those Bloomin Onion Funyuns)

I pick out my chips, and the fountains open so I beeline for it. I fill up most of my drink but it's fizz, so I eye the table, no ones there but that could change so I go ahead and grab my straw and lid.

I top off my drink, and someones coming up, so I dart off to the condiments by the roller grill, no ones there and put my drink and straw on, looking around make sure no ones watching, and test the drink make sure it's fresh. I take a deep breath.

Ah an Egg Roll sounds good. No ones there so I hurriedly yank the tongs out and toss the eggroll in its bag. I go for the line but alas, there is two clerks and people waiting. I need sunflower seeds. I don't but it will save me from standing by people. I keep eyeballing the line, waiting until I can go straight to the clerk.

It doesn't clear up. I'm talking myself out of Red Vines, knowing I'll eat the whole box over the next hour and hate myself. I get my card out and get ready, and I pull out my phone and pretend to be busy on Facebook, as I quietly slide into line. It's getting harder to breathe. Calm down. We all want to get out of here and do our business.

Inhale. Exhale. I start typing part of this adventure. Fortunately I glance up and I'm next. Okay. Ok. k. k which clerk. Uh oh. They finished at the same time. I start to panic, both are watching me.

Ones more my "type", much as I hate to say that, I do, more down to earth friendly looking girls, she has the smart look to her so I choose her.

Confession: if I don't know you already have anxiety issues, I default to friendly looking or educated women, if you don't suffer it, maybe you are at least smart enough to understand it.

My hands are shaking. I got this. I can't speak so I follow the card machine, not even caring if it's rung up right, I need out of there. Of course it's not reading my presses, so I'm getting frustrated, people are watching, she's watching. I'm looking dumb hitting it with my fingers and the pen.. I make it through and she asks if I want a bag, I nod no, say thank you and run out the door with my items, nearly knocking a customer over on my way out.

I scope out the pumps. I'm on 13 and there's someone on 11 & 12. Bleh. I need to wash my windows but it can wait. I go ahead and open my door, then set up the pump and start filling up. I take a sip of my drink and chow down the egg roll. I start feeling a bit better. Partly why I eat so much. It's therapeutic for my anxiety.

I hear the click, put the hose back and drive off, forgetting my receipt and later find out my gas cap, but I'm free. I can breathe. I need a nap. Almost as exhausting as Walmart, but a fairly average trip, they weren't as busy as they are at 7am. That's panic town.

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Adventures in Social Anxiety Chapter 7 - Gas Stations (slightly longer, but more real in time scenarios, like the first two chapters)

I'm driving to the gas station, nerves shot from traffic. Pull in, it looks a little busy. Ugh. Okay. I start mapping out the ar...